I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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