Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
