How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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