she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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