i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
