shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
