I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need a beard to bite.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
