Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
