Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
