operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
