Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am available for nakedness
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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