Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
