You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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