it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want nice things and good sex
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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