I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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