I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
