Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
