Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's great music for shaving your balls
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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