i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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