You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
