like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she peed on how many people?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
