i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
