Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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