I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
