dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
