somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
