You smell like stripper and shame
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
