I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
