when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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