Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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