Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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