Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
