I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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