I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
