i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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