we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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