So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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