i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize