Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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