if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The power of my boobs compel you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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