I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
