So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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