I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
