Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
