Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
