He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
