That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
