I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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