just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
