I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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