I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
