John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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