you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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