I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
