He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I stole a fireplace last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
