So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
