I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
