I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
