so that wasnt chicken after all
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
