I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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