Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
