i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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