i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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