he was CRYING into my vagina
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
