Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
