You're my little dorito
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
