We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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