I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
