That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
