I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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