I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
