I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
